Offering Luminaries A Place to Cultivate
Enjoy A Little Peace & Ease
While on Your Journey to Become
Who You are Meant to Be....
I woke up this past Friday with an excess of emotional energy running through my veins. A quick conversation as I walked out to the garage moved my needle a little to the right, as my husband tried to release my highly pressurize valve. Rather than a positive release, the poor guy experienced a significant blow back event, coupled with a quiet ride into work.
As I reached my desk, opening email, the momentum of this morning led to an involuntary cuss word heard by my office companions. A phone conversation ended in requiring that I complete a task that to me was offensive, feeling forced because it was the “professional thing to do” had me pushing the red zone.
Here it was less than an hour into my workday, finding myself at full tilt, with my stress meter flashing to get my attention. Danger, danger, danger, an explosion of anger or tears will happen in tee minus 10 seconds, 9, 8……
Yet, many years of professional work allowed me to pull into an emergency refocus and make my way to a meeting. Sitting down, apologizing for my tardiness I notice my breathing heavy, and rapid. I could feel my heart pumping in my ears.
I knew that I needed to take care right then, so I asked myself, writing on my note pad- why are you angry? Are you angry or sad? What upset you enough yesterday to carry this into today? What right now dear soul are you trying to tell me- and how long have you been trying to get my attention? I doodle a few flowers and hearts around these questions and pretend to tune back into the meeting.
Looking around the room, I notice one key person that I actually think is a snake in the grass and is a threat to this organization. His face clarifies that this energy I am feeling has been building for over a year and recent events have it all bubbling to the surface to be released.
Sitting back, I try to relax. I am grateful that I was not chairing this meeting, and I send my boss some good thoughts as I tune back out. This revelation let off a significant amount of steam and I could feel my pressure meter now moving to the left. My much younger self would have turned to thoughts of how this “person” needs to be removed from my work life. Certain that with him gone I would feel better. But I have long since learned that with such a removal, a new person will just fill in that same space. I knew it was not about him personally, but what he vibrational emits and how these types of wave lengths seem to trigger my nervous system.
As I find myself thinking more clearly, asking on my sheet of note paper- What is happening at a cellular level that had me waking up negatively charged, before my feet hit the floor? And as she always does, from this place of truthful questioning, my inner voice speaks.
—She whispers, you have been asked to ignore your core value of authenticity.
Clarity now evident as my inner self recognizes that one of my core desired feelings (thank you Danelle LaPort) is out of alignment. I have in the last days found myself feeling that I must write email passages that were not authentic. I recalled making a number of inauthentic statements. And even in this moment, I felt obligated to say inauthentic things as I played the “ work game”. My end goal as manager is to reach my targets, right?
Now with my pressure meter at normal levels, it was clear that one of my most inner driving forces was being compromised. And with that revelation, I might a few years ago set out to play the blame game. Instead, today, I asked myself could I have experienced the same outcome and remained authentic? I must have some learning yet to do, because my soul is silent at this moment. Although logic tells me yes… of course.
Here standing at this cross road, I wonder how can I remain authentic to my core desired feelings and values, while practicing my workplace professionalism? It is not that I would choose to tell people off, or yell and scream at them. But how do I express my honesty and sincerity in any given situation without causing more trouble?
I believe the answer is finding its way to the surface of my consciousness. However, I have not created the fertile ground the answer needs to bloom. Although I believe that the answer is staring to unfurl, I will share what I learn when it flowers.
Grand Design: I have core values and desired feelings that when I honor them I create fertile ground; a place upon which others can be nourished and I can continue to bloom.
Ritual of Me:. At least once a day I will notice the ways that I am listening to my inner voice and notice when out of obligation, I am choosing to ignore my my authentic self and readjust.
In what ways have you denied your core values out of obligation to the job? How do you manage the contrast? How does this support or harm your health and peace? I would love to hear your thoughts.
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