Offering Luminaries A Place to Cultivate
Enjoy A Little Peace & Ease
While on Your Journey to Become
Who You are Meant to Be....
The soft light is shining inward, its brilliance pointing toward my heart center. I usually have the light flipped toward others, bright and magnificent. I notice most days, people...
walk through the beam and immediately feel better, lighter more themselves even if just for a millisecond. I have taken pride in this gift of sharing love. The life long art of cultivating energy and gifting it. I believed and perhaps still believe that I can create positive change in the workplace and the world for that matter, with a little light and love.
To do this well I must listen, really listen and notice what is happening around me. Defining the feelings others are emoting in their words and with their decisions. I can see almost a hovering fog around the scattered thinkers, and I for enjoyment blow away their cloud.
This outward focus has been fun, its been disappointing, and at times this has been a path to my heart centers betrayal. The body wrenching destruction that comes from someone using your love and tenderness as a weapon against you.
This sharing has defined my work days, offering my physical time, my mental efforts and spirit at a moments notice. Reaching in to pull them out— out of the chasm. Doing so just in time, averting a workplace disaster. This has been my automatic practice for years. It is my workplace armor, I patch together by being something most can’t be. Only recently have I recognized the harm to myself.
Questioning — asking the Universe how do I stop this practice without stopping being me? Offering light and love is the center of my being. Are you saying that to honor myself, I need to offer less? She never replies or at least in a way that made sense. That is until two weeks ago.
This first inward turn of my light came on the massage table, experiencing cranial sacral therapy. With these gentle movements, offered with subtle kindness, my body broke her strong stiff silence. Parts of me released that have been held so taught in unrecognized protection. The release was like a wave braking against my pelvis. The imagined wave of water took back the pain and fear into the depths. I immediately noticed that this tension was years of feelings stuck, waiting for a time when they could be released.
I walked out of the treatment room feeling different, and began to look almost immediately at how my life was full of hard, pushing motions, constantly moving to change what felt unpleasant in my work life. I could feel now and see clearly how all my efforts of sending my light out— in hopes of creating an environment that was finally safe, free and open for me to relax- was a ruse. It was not an offering really, but a sacrifice to the god of paychecks. Twenty plus years in the workforce, giving deeply of myself I have never been able to create a resting place where I am honored for me without over giving- not once.
This has cost me a great deal, the exchange of a salary for my souls natural gift. This well practiced activity has ravaged my body, my mind and my spirit.
With this shift— my inner voice is now asking quietly— what do you really want? Who do you want to give it too and how much are you able to give without harming yourself? The quiet, and subtle showing her true power
This unravelling has left me looking at my daily actions at work. How I move from one task to another, no celebration of done. Eating my lunch doing work— and feeling the time crunch regardless of how little I notice I have a body that needs attended to. The incessant ringing phone— on the other end are my employees who are unwilling to take ownership of themselves, asking for my absolution. Demanding that I give them a solution to their uncomfortable feelings- my daily practice is to create for them what I seek. I trained them…. To see me as their answer.
This is just the beginning of my exploration of unplugging. Unraveling my willingness to offer more than my forty hours a week, and defining more clearly what it means to offer what is true and honest to myself.
It is unclear how I will figure out what is the reasonable level of engagement to the workplace, while feeling successful and accomplished.
I must do this work as I now believe that I have offered more than I should for my health. Offered out of fear and perhaps manipulation-to create the place I want to work.
Yet, with all this there is a lesson in subtle, might I be more powerful and effective doing less?
Time will tell as I stay on this path of discovery.
Have you ever thought about what you offer the workplace, and the cost to your health? What have you learned about being present at work, without over giving? How do you create balance- in what you offer to the workplace and your souls calling? I would so appreciate you sharing your ideas and discoveries— there is power in sharing!
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