Offering Luminaries A Place to Cultivate
Enjoy A Little Peace & Ease
While on Your Journey to Become
Who You are Meant to Be....
My inner critics name is Esmerelda, “Melda” for short. She has been around sharing her opinions with me for as long as I can remember. Most of the time she shares the exact right words to keep me out of harms way. Her harsh tone prompting me to stretch and reach for my heartfelt desires. Melda has never mastered the art of choosing loving words to express herself. She has been my mental and emotional drill sergeant refusing to let me forget my wishes. Although, I believe her prodding comes from a truly loving place.
----Lately, I have noticed that our conversations have been off....
her words no longer resonate with the situation at hand. She is rooted in the warning, noticing and foretelling based on my past desires and old stories that no longer apply.
I find this extremely interesting seeing that I have given in to her years of insight as if she was all knowing. Almost omnipresent in many situations- forewarning harm real and imagined. Yet, recently the conclusions she draws no longer align with the deep calling of my soul.
Perhaps one reason for our separateness is her loud and forceful murmurs no longer call me to action. She once activated movement toward a long list of aspirations that now appear to be unable to support my true satisfaction.
I can see her meaning well, encouraging my striving to reach for the next job title —at the same time I see this desire won’t get me further than where I am today (except perhaps more tired). It is finally clear to me that the titles that were once so alluring are just a mix of words meant to separate us from our true nature. Asking instead for each of us to buy into the social capital model that requires us to continuously prove our worth.
Now my once coveted itemized consumer list has a new column that tallies up the true cost to my life energy. Many of the dream items now appear to cost more than the market price tag- and will not result in more serenity and peace.
I am ok with this shift- welcome it really. But what is troubling is that I am closing the door to that which no longer serves my soul, while not having found the next desires that will carry me forward.
I am in the middle place between, old thought patterns where I keep repeating conversations with others about my old goals and dreams. I find myself suffering from severe cognitive dissonance uncertain of my next life steps. And right along with me is my little Melda trying so desperately to keep me on track.
The distinct difference in our conversations center around my emerging internal soul driven desires, compared to adding to my external want list. The list that Melda stands firm and believes when achieved I will find happiness. That is once I am accepted, awarded, promoted or having purchased that special widget— all validating that I have finally arrived.
---But what if I have already arrived and now all I need to do is enjoy the moment?
I imagine that Esmerelda and I will come to terms and align our visions. The only true struggle will happen if the clash of priorities of external verses internal continues for too long. If that happens I guess I will have to ask her to retire to the Maldives I suppose, as I connect with a new quiet voice that will guide me toward more connection, peace and joy.
What about you?
Do you have an inner critic? Is she helpful or causing you harm? How do you find your way past the rhetoric and find your souls true desires as you reach toward peace? I would love to hear from you and learn how thinking about your inner critic and your personal growth made you feel.
I have found that one tool that can be helpful is at the very least acknowledging when the internal contrast shows up-- rather than feel caught by an emotion storm that appears to come out of nowhere.
Thank you for leaving a comment--
As always, I love to hear from you while we move toward illumination one conversation at a time.
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