Offering Luminaries A Place to Cultivate
Enjoy A Little Peace & Ease
While on Your Journey to Become
Who You are Meant to Be....
My overdeveloped striving habit tends to leave me sitting on Sunday, noticing how each cell in my body needs more. More relaxation, more nutrition, more water, much more deep sleep and most of all more movement. Joy filled movement, not the grunting in the gym, pushing toward some man made goal— movement.
On these slow mornings as I...
... reach for one more sip of my raw honey and jasmine green tea, my emotions wake up. I begin to feel again, but the flood of unfelt moments seems to signal emergency. I turn to brace against the wave. Here comes the feelings I stuffed down on Tuesday afternoon, the next one seems to belong to a busy Monday full of worry. Then in an instant the remaining emotions break open. Like a river, they push free of the damn I built and flow through-- they never wanted to stay with me this long.
This unfolding occurs as a result of me continuing to shout at Divine Wisdom— I remark on how her gifts sound like utter hogwash, and demand she sit back down and be quiet. I explain that I don’t have time to listen to those ideas. Turning instead to listen to subtle gossip, and complain about the concern of the day. I covet these earthly experiences as TRUTH. I convince myself that I must stay vigilant and aware for my safety. Just then, my loving adrenals hold me up by offering one more dose of survival juice. My cells respond to the crisis. Wisdom sitting as I requested, watching as another wave crashes; I open up the next email.
Sunday, my body reminds me of the battle raged over work. As the tea warms my soul I contemplate the flawed idea that I can muster through anything. I ponder the question— when will I finally be through? I convince myself that being good at handling office politics has elevated me to my position and title. I must stay this course. Yet, I wonder if these results are due to my efforts or my souls path?
I ask in my reclined relaxed position— do I work for the man, or do I work for Divinity?
Most days, its the man. I worry about the man, what he thinks of my work, my choices, my performance. No matter what, I still feel the need to prove myself worthy. I forget to eat my lunch or if I do eat I answer emails in-between bites. I see the man across the room and want validation. I fall asleep thinking about the man, and how all the other people wanting attention from the man are taking away my chances of approval. Damn them, if they would only follow my lead, I could get what I need from the man and be safe.
Loosely from my lips I talk about being of service to the greater good and how this jobs joy is that I offer to my community. Although this is in part true, I do offer hope to my community. Where I stumble in practice is to recognize that its not the “man” or “community” I offer to, but Divinity herself.
Divinity always accepts me, sees my worth and tells me I am worthy. I just ignore her gifts, looking for validation from someone who’s feet I can hear walking down the hall. Each day I wake, Divinity breathes air into my lungs and has made sure I have fresh water to shower. I have good food that nourishes me and a husband that loves me dearly. I have gifts abound.
Rather than accept Divinity and her appreciation of my service recognizing how she opens doors to answer our prayers, acknowledging that She uses my hands, heart and office politic skills to bring Her love to all. How beautiful just thinking about the intricacies required to weave our needs together into one solution. Yet, I turn and continue to look to the man. I focus on the worry and strife. Not considering that the man has their own relationship with the Divine, they too are seeking. Perhaps I am asking from them something they can’t give, not fully.
When sitting with Divine Wisdom, she always offers what I most need without all the hustle and worry. Why does this only come into view on Sunday’s?
I desire to remember more often-- that in offering my hands and heart- I become a conduit for Divinity. Remembering that working for her feels better than focusing on the man. Perhaps with this focus the man will gravitate toward me with ease and what I desire will unfold anyway.
Ending this hyper vigilance would allow the space needed to give attention to my cells, my laughter and hear all the great ideas She whispers in my ear. Maybe by my example, the man will feel better too.
I believe that Divinity writes better performance reviews, and maybe accepting this idea will provide me with a more relaxed and successful work life. For now, I guess just noticing on Sunday’s with a moment or two during the week will move me toward putting down fear and picking up LOVE.
Grand Design: There is always something larger at play and when we leave the well worn patterns of work life and accept that in an instant Divinity can appear, offering her wisdom that serves all.
Ritual of Me: I will refocus and recall that when I honor myself and welcome into my day the greater Wisdom, I will be successful without the strife and fear.
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